She was a day tripper!

I'm feeling lazy so i will not delve into a minute by minute run through of our road trip to Trentham but instead i will post lots of pictures and infer that i am keeping my blog going. one moment i will dwell on, however, is our near-death experience. nb' mum drove. we were travelling sloppily down a gravel rd literally 100 m from our destination, when, suddenly, we got caught in a skid and fishtailed down the rd, turned sideways and skidded into a ditch. we ended up twenty cm from a power pole. as the dust settled we looked at eachother and laughed. i mean, what does one do in a situation like that??

Home Sweet Home

I ate like a Pig. Pumba...You Are a Pig!

ok. so the last four days i have been gorging non stop. no joke. fri there was a killer christmas party at work. sales had been really good so the bastards decided that it might be nice to fatten up its slaves. they brought us chickens, turkey, ham (off the bone....drool factor one million!!!) lollies by teh trough load, drinks and fresh crusty bread. i worked nine hrs so i was ravenous. i didn't talk to anyone for half an hr. managed to stuff a giant chunk of ham in my mouth and eat it too...despite everyone's lack of faith in the size of my gob. hmph! i finally rolled myself back downstairs and continued to work. minutes later i got a mnessage invinting me to meet Ben's uncle for christmas dinner. so i iced my banana bread and journeyed on down to Kensington. i arrived and, once again, found myself chowing ddown on yummy turkey, ham, potatoes and pudding. by 11 o clock i was a blimp. lucky i wore my loose 'eating dress'.

saturday came and saturday went with all my pocket money spent! so thank god for another work funded lunch. today it was a HUGE fry up. sausages, burgers, salad and fresh crusty bread. i actually stayed at work for an extra half an hour, smuggling Cadbury favourites in my apron pocket and jamming sausages down my throat. much to the horror of my fellow Safeway whores. So when i finally managed to digest my mammoth meal i called Ben and we went out...for dinner. yep. Vietnamese. Grilled chicken on steamed rice accompanied by a crazy soup. jeez. i am a bottomless pit.

Almost there! Sunday:
as we are Polish we celebrate on Christmas eve and it is tradition not to eat meat. In true euro style we attempted to compensate for teh lack of pork, lamb and beef by generating a mountain of seafood. herring salad (with cream), herring salad (witth apple and onion), Greek fish (in tomato-ey sauce), russian salad, GIANT EXTRA JUMBO KING prawns, prawn salad, rocket salad, euro bread, fruit punch, smoked salmon, smoked trout and cabbage stew. and that was only mains. we had fruit cake and custard and cheesecake and poppyseed cake and gingerbread for dessert. oh man i am getting full just thinkg about all this food.



so once we rolled out of bed at 11 this morning it was time to start again. only this time we had smoked chicken, roast pork, ham, polish sausage, beetroot soup,beetroot salad and crackling to add to the already elaborate menu of leftovers. far out...fat cow! fat cow!!
what we didn't eat meat wise we took and force fed to Sarah and Likim. along with a million bread rolls and some gingerbread. jeez it keeps getting worse doesn't it?



finally present ime. i am proud to say i have never been as flattered as i was today re: my super present picking skills. i will post this picture. need i say more?

You Bottled Me You C%*t

so kornel and i ventured on down to our local park as the sun was pouring its final lamentations on this cold world. we sat being a gorge fest for millions of mozzies when we witnessed an extraordinary event. now, for those of you unfamiliar with our quiet inner eastern suburbs, Bentleigh is full of retired and semi-retired ethnics who rarely venture our of their brick veneer palaces. so when kornel and i saw a group of wife-beater wearing skips slugging down 'hand-granade vb's' at the club house we were ever so curious. the eerie yellow light, the 'despite it being 9 o'clock' heat and the buzzing of insects made us feel as if someone had time warped us into the mc cain commercial...u know the one with the two snot nosed brats eaing corn??

anyway...we were minding our own business...chatting,....bitching...when we heard raised voices. we watched intently, mutterring 'fight, fight' under the cover of darkness. this is where the situtation got ugly. we saw one guy lunge at teh other, spraying a cloud of amber over the whole group. punches were being thrown and thigns got a bit nasty. at this point kornel and i decided it be wise to take that as our cue to leave. on departure we caught snippets of the conversation.

guy 1: " how would you know? i've already done communty service"
guy 2: "he bottled me, the c%*t"
guy 1: "they'll call the cops"

bright idea!!! so kornel and i looked up our local police station...making our web history oh so conspicuous. ie...search: police station, caulfield. and when Kornel did finally call we couldn't help but feel that their response of "we'll look into it thanks mate" honoured the whole debarcle.

what's the colour of a two cent piece? copper copper!!!

Speech Night

So it has come time to pay my last duty to my school. i went to speech night today to witness the outstanding acheivements of all those who fail to leave the confines of their work. we sat attempting to stifle our laughter when the yr 8 co ordinator said 'foreskin' instead of 'four students'. or when the school captain introduced our disturbingly masculine and overtly NOT STRAIGHT deputy principal as 'Mr'. at least its an improvement on last yr when the principal turned up drunk, slurring her speech on global warming and attempting to thank our sposors in the correct order. ahhh....the joys of the public scholing system.

now that our class has graduated they are knocking down the crummy science wings....through which, mind you...we traipsed our entire schooling life. they are renovating the VCE centre and have devoted an area of the school to become 'the media and arts sector'. Why now? we had to endure the crapolaness, y shouldn't the next little snot-nosed brats have to do so as well??

apart from the obvious rubbing in our noses that our school will be better NOW THAT WE ARE GONE, teh night was enjoyable. i can't believe that i don't ever have to sit on those vinyl chairs, glancing at my phone every 3 min and wondering when the PFA president's speech will end. i don't ever have to attend any needle in the eye events for school any more. having said that, though, i miss it already.

sigh....one can never be satisfied

The World of Blog

So i have succumb to the enticing world of 'the Blog'. All this electronica is seeping into my pores. i have Steph and a certain Chuah to thank for my blog debut. u guys may have to kick my ass to keep upo to date as i tend to get bored easy.

Being the mega poor safeway slave that i am i decided to put pen to paper and create some b grade chrismas cards. i just hate the idea of those mass produced flimsy cards that u buy in a pk of about 1000 for $3 at the cheap shops which people will look at once and think..oh..gosh...a furry animal in a santa hat is a sweet gesture...FOR MAKING ME VOMIT!!!!! it's menat to be about acknowledging people and showing your 'nice' side yeah?? well how does writing your friend's name and signing it...expecting the "merry christmas and a happy new year" stamped selfishly in the centre to do the talking for you....meant to exhibit that u care???

bah....thank god for planet ark recycling bins...we can have dodgy cards every year!!!

ok..enough of my ranting. perhaps i am just insanely jealous that Steph is trekking on soil 1000's of km's away from here...or that the fatties on the fattest loser can lose 56% of their intial body weight in such a short time. "FAT FAT FAT FAT COW......i'm sorry Pat...THAT YOU"RE SO FAT!!!"- Marjorie Dawes